9

We live in an age of artefactual incontinence. In the mouth of a cornucopia of inconsequential things. Armies of people with nothing better to do except make all these things for me to throw away, it's not fair, there's only one of me, I'm completely outnumbered. There'll never be enough archaeologists to dig up all this junk we've buried. I can see them in my mind's eye, digging away, one of them saying: "These look like industrial age deposits, not much point trying to make sense of it, they were all barking mad you know, back before the catastrophe".

Yes well, I was going to get rid of something, but what? There must be something in here that I can bear to part with. I'll take a look around. Um, well here in the kitchen there's a very old washing machine and a very old spin-drier, and I'd love to get rid of those. I don't use them, but it would take some organisation to get rid of them. Finding someone who could use it would be difficult, I don't know anybody who doesn't already have their own. And throwing them away means I'd have to arrange for someone to come and get them and take them away. They charge you something or other for the service too. That's presumably why most people here just throw things like that out on the recreation ground. It makes the place look depressing and scary, but they don't seem to be bothered by it.

I'll have a look in the living room. Hmm, nothing very inspiring. I'm beginning to think I'm not really in the mood for getting rid of things after all. But I've started writing this now, so I feel obliged to find something to get rid of, even though I've nothing really in mind. In future I must make sure to sort out my ideas before I start to write. It's like those knives, you know, knife folklore, once you get it out you can't put it away without drawing blood. Oh blimey there must be something in the kitchen, for heaven's sake.

Oh all right I'll get rid of these coffee measures. There's three of them stored in a plastic pot. Measuring coffee with a coffee measuring spoon is for coffee beginners, which I'm not. So why I have them is that Sainsbury's sometimes tapes them to the packets of coffee, it's called a free gift. And of course I get them home and I keep them, thinking they must be good for something surely?

But they aren't.

IN THE BIN AND GONE